Sunday, August 7th, 2011

Proverbs 22
"Do not move an ancient boundary stone
set up by your forefathers." ~ v. 28

I write this back home in Hong Kong. During my time in Israel, I promised myself to not use the internet. This was, after all, my pilgrimage, and I didn't want any distractions. Everybody knows, a vow to go lacking is hardest to keep towards its end, and it was near the end that I was tested. I was carrying my Aunt's laptop for her, and the last few nights we stayed at Radisson. Free broadband in the room. Praise the LORD, my resolve remained. Nevertheless, this got me thinking: there's so much inaudible "noise" that encapsulates us nowadays, besides the physical noises. I suppose school and the internet are the two biggest ones. In Israel, I had a hour, more or less, each night, where I could just sit, pray, read a chapter of the Bible, and write down my thoughts for the day. Spiritually speaking, it was so refreshing! I could listen to God, both around and inside of me.

I write this now because I just happened to pass by a friend's blog and re-read his post about silence. In the post it mentions a video about silence, which we watched during fellowship one night, about a month ago. When we watched the video and when I read his post the first time, I have to admit that I didn't give it much thought (sorry!). Actually, asides from the passing moment of inspiration, the last few years I never really gave much thought to anything. If I was asked for my thoughts it was usually very superficial. If I was asked for my attention, I didn't give it fully. I listened and thought exclusively about myself. Everything had to lead back to myself. I almost thought that I forgot how to listen to others. In Israel, I discovered that this wasn't true. That I did remember how. That I was just excusing myself from it. I expect to habitualize a daily time of silence for God, from the foundation I laid in Israel. Who knows, some of it might find its way here.

As mentioned above, in Israel, I set aside time for prayer, one chapter of the Bible, and some writing each night. I actually began a daily reading of the Bible in Hong Kong, but it was just that - reading. I chose to begin with Proverbs, because it has many lessons which I have heard much of, but thought little about. While I may not have time to write like this every night during the school year, I hope and even expect to habitualize a daily time of prayer, Bible reading, and thought, building on what I started in Israel. This actually was a habit until I got undisciplined, complacent, and distracted for the past few years. May the LORD grant me a new resolve.

Each night in Israel, I began writing by copying a verse from the chapter of the day. Tonight, I begin with a verse from the 22nd chapter. This verse is interesting. I looked it up; originally it referred to land distributions that the LORD set out for Israel during the time of Joshua, and the law which dictated a reset to these boundaries every 50 years. However, nowadays this verse may have a different application. Our nation's laws were founded on Biblical notions. Even the national motto is taken from the Bible. Today, our lawmakers do exactly opposite of what King Solomon warns. They have begun to put the nation on a slippery moral downslope. While we may not be able to reverse or even stop them, it is our duty as Christians to not be pulled along with them, to hold our ground, and to keep our "ancient boundary stone" exactly where it should be. Coincidence or not, the Ten Commandments were originally written in stone. Let this be a reminder to us.

That's it for tonight. Good night!

Pilgrimage

I'm very blessed to have the chance to undertake the Christian pilgrimage...after flying to Hong Kong later today, I will have a couple weeks in the Holy Land. I'm rather excited, being able to walk where my Lord has walked. I do hope I am brought closer to Him when all is said and done. At the same time, do pray for my and my brothers and sisters' safety, as our trip will take us through both Jordan and Egypt, and both nations are still quite unstable.

If I find internet access, I will try to remember to blog along the way.

I'll miss everybody in Vancouver, for sure, but six weeks will pass in a huff and a puff...

Why, Vancouver, why?!

To lose a Game 7, in the Stanley Cup Finals, to a respectable original six team in the Bruins isn't bad. I'd say this was a remarkable run, a great season. And the core is still intact. There is next year. And the year after that.

But to lose our dignity as a city...that is a totally different matter.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors...

Forgiveness is so much easier said than done, and a reason for that is because of my memory. For whatever bizarre reason, things I try to forget, I remember; whereas things I try to remember, I forget. This begs the question: if I still remember the incident(s), can I forgive? Further still: is it even possible to truly forget?

"Forgive and forget" is something that is repeated so much that it has, for all intents and purposes, no meaning at all. However, recently, this issue has come to the forefront of my attention, and for good reason. I realized that I remember a lot of things. Very, very old things, which I claim to have completely forgotten about and forgiven, and therefore have no bearing whatsoever on current relationships at all. I was so wrong, and it took some soul-searching with a level-headed and uninvolved friend (at the time of our conversation) to find out.

In a sense, I was half right. I had forgotten the details of the past. But that's just a chip off the old brick. The bulk of the memory, the emotional memory, was still there. I just turned a blind eye. Lied to and fooled myself, and the other person. To take my friend's word for it, I was "hardened." I had no clue, but I was still, in some corner of my heart and soul, mad. Some part of me still wanted to pick up the blame of past and present and just chuck it at this person who had crossed me -- no, who I thought had crossed me -- years ago. By the way, said person is a very important one.

It's actually been over a month since this issue first came into the spotlight. This post has been a work in progress ever since (hence the lack of posts recently). My thoughts are so scattered, and I am so heavily involved that I have had no idea how to arrange the post. To date, I still lack a complete answer to the two main questions. However, I think I have at least a few pieces of the puzzle.

Logically, I should try to answer the second question first, so I will. I don't think that it's possible to truly forget things like this. When the emotional scar comes between people as close as that person and me, even if the details become lost in the sea of time, the thoughts and feelings accompanying it will never, ever get completely washed away. It may be dulled, but it will always be there, somewhere. God may be able to completely blot out our sins with Christ's blood, but that's because he's omnipotent. I am -- we are -- not. Even so, as my friend pointed out, this is not a free pass to dwell on the past. It is not a reason to expect badly of the future. Life was meant to be lived in the present, and problems are to be fixed in the present as well.

God never commanded us to forget wrongs, but He has told us to forgive them, and nothing He tells us to do is impossible. That is why I think that even though I may never be able to forget, there is a glimmer of hope that I can, however slowly, reach the realm of true forgiveness. It won't be easy. I've only taken a few baby steps. I'll be the first to acknowledge that I could move faster, that there are still way too many thoughts that get in the way; but at least I'm pointed in the right direction.

As I've let these thoughts percolate in my head, it has led to a vastly increased appreciation of how great, how awesome, how unfathomably deep God's love for us is. The difficulty I face in my problems with one person, compared to the sin of the entire world and its billions of people. Still He promised never again to flood the world. Still he promised to give the world a way. It cost Him dearly, but He delivered. It is the ultimate example of and inspiration for forgiveness.

All these years, I have "forgotten," but never forgiven. Now I see that maybe it should be exactly the other way around. "Forgive, but never forget" is a quote that is also thrown around. It is a quote that probably deals with problems and has a background that is vastly different from that of mine. However, for now, this is what I will go by. If only for the fact that, as a Christian, I am called to forgive. If only for the fact that it might be impossibly difficult to forget. Perhaps it ought to be "forgive, despite not forgetting." If I can achieve that, I believe I will have mastered the highest level of human forgiveness.

As to "forgive and forget" -- flawed, but sufficient for the small things in life.

Making amends

Raindrops fall to earth and gather,
Free to flow but pooled together.
One night a hard freeze grips the town,
And London Bridge is falling down.

17 April 2011

Picking up the pieces

There it lies––shattered, broken,
Like some nebulous fragile glass form.
“I didn’t do it,” you exclaim,
“It was him!” “It was her!”
“It was that pesky thing from across the street!”

Ah, yes. Let the irrational finger pointing begin.
Of course; I believe you.
Just that I was there, watching you.
Just that I was what you did.
But you adamantly deny it.

What can I say?
After all, I am only the dust
Remaining from a tree, cut down,
Only shards and fragments on the floor,
Waiting for the dustpan and the brush.

But who are you? Do I know you?
I look harder, and then it dawns on me.
You were me. Or, rather, I was you;
And my soul, your soul…
There it lies––shattered, broken.

6 April 2011

Night Falls

The sun descends into the ocean’s wrath,
And on my listless soul a darkness falls,
But nary a star will shine upon my path,
Though wearily I gaze on heaven’s halls.

Blindly I stumble, groping for my way,
I call for help, but there is no reply.
The night drags on, contented to delay
The morrow morn, and pleasèd to deny.

Were I to summon all of mine own pow’r,
Still I would fail to overcome the night;
So I must wait for the appointed hour,
And trust, in time, that all will be made right.

Behold––the morning star breaks night’s dark guise;
The sun will once again, triumphant, rise!

21 March 2011