So ends another year of my life; so begins a new year. Nineteen. It's always like that when a new year starts. It feels foreign to me. I don't feel that age. The first few days, even weeks, if people ask me how old I am, I will answer with last year's age. Because I haven't grown into nineteen yet. Because I'm still eighteen, at heart. The mind and soul takes a while to catch up to the body.
Of course, lately, my mind and soul have taken a while to catch up to things in general. Exhaustion reigns supreme. Exhaustion with routine. Exhaustion with life. Exhaustion with spirit. Exhaustion with activity. If only life was like rechargeable batteries. I could just go up to a terminal and ZAP I'm awake!
Unfortunately, there is no such luxury available, and even if it were invented in the near future (near enough to fall within my lifetime), it'd probably be so expensive only the richest of the rich could afford it. Imagine such technology! A human recharging station.
For now, the coffee beckons...
Or the bed. The bed's good too.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Assumptions
To assume is to make an "ass" of "u" and "me."
I know, this is cliche, but at the same time it is so very true. The person who makes the assumption without solid proof is deemed an ass for causing a potentially explosive situation. Also, as we humans are prone to reacting before thinking sometimes, the person who falls victim to the assumption will also be deemed an ass if he or she flares out. I know all too well. This morning a small assumption incident arose (I will not say who and what, it is of the mundane), and set me off on a day of moodiness. As such, I now write this to get it off my mind.
The solution is simple. For the person about to make an assumption, a couple of quick questions will generally give rise to a more accurate analysis of the situation at hand. No more than a few seconds of time can save a few hours, or even years of rift afterward. Prevention is the best cure.
However, prevention doesn't always work, so for the person who falls prey to an assumption, a simple explanation will suffice. Throwing a tantrum over being "falsely accused" is not going to make things better; indeed, generally that makes things worse. Again, a few seconds used to calm nerves for a more appropriate response will save ages of grudge bearing time in the future.
A small assumption isn't a big deal in itself. That is to say, it's not the end of the world if you're on the giving or receiving end of one. However, the implications of one can be a big deal, if both parties allow it to be. So, with the benefit of hindsight (many, many times, I might add), let's all take a step back, and let cooler heads prevail.
I know, this is cliche, but at the same time it is so very true. The person who makes the assumption without solid proof is deemed an ass for causing a potentially explosive situation. Also, as we humans are prone to reacting before thinking sometimes, the person who falls victim to the assumption will also be deemed an ass if he or she flares out. I know all too well. This morning a small assumption incident arose (I will not say who and what, it is of the mundane), and set me off on a day of moodiness. As such, I now write this to get it off my mind.
The solution is simple. For the person about to make an assumption, a couple of quick questions will generally give rise to a more accurate analysis of the situation at hand. No more than a few seconds of time can save a few hours, or even years of rift afterward. Prevention is the best cure.
However, prevention doesn't always work, so for the person who falls prey to an assumption, a simple explanation will suffice. Throwing a tantrum over being "falsely accused" is not going to make things better; indeed, generally that makes things worse. Again, a few seconds used to calm nerves for a more appropriate response will save ages of grudge bearing time in the future.
A small assumption isn't a big deal in itself. That is to say, it's not the end of the world if you're on the giving or receiving end of one. However, the implications of one can be a big deal, if both parties allow it to be. So, with the benefit of hindsight (many, many times, I might add), let's all take a step back, and let cooler heads prevail.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Adrift
My mind runs wildly to and fro,
My thoughts take no apparent flow,
I've lost my way, I do not know
In which direction should I go.
My heart is here, my heart is there,
My soul floats aimlessly somewhere,
If God is here, then tell me where,
I cannot find Him anywhere.
Am I the one who's back is turned, who's eyes and ears are closed? Am I the one running away? Am I the one who's put so many distractions and barriers in between, and put so many things ahead of God? In all the years of Sunday School and sermons and whatnot, the probable answer is yes, because God's never the one who does the ditching. However, that's just knowledge, and knowledge of a spiritual matter is only the tip of the iceberg.
At some times, the feeling of connection to God is fairly strong. At others, it's so weak I might as well be a non-Christian. Sometimes, the lack of Spirit that I display alarms me. Am I actually saved? Follow that with a burst, and injection of God, and then it's back to apathy. An unending, and fairly vicious, cycle.
Worship, fellowship, and service are almost routine-like now. Do I even go with the right motives in mind? Do I even HAVE motives? I probably spend less and less quality time with God, trying to get more time for myself, but the irony of it is that I'd probably have more time for myself if I spend more time with Him.
These are pretty jumbled thoughts and it's taken me a while to sift through them all. Among the thoughts that plague me, the biggest is probably "where do I go from here?" So God is a sovereign God. He has His plans. Where am I in them? I'd like to know!
Chances are, I probably won't get to know, so where do I find my faith? How do I REALLY learn to love God again, with that childlike innocence, with that initial passion? God, I want that searching heart back. I don't actually have it. Those spiritual moments of late, they have been so fleeting, so temporary. It's just enough to keep me from giving up. But I don't want to just hang on by a thread. I want to stand on the Rock.
For now, I remain adrift, waiting for the wind to come, and blow me in the right direction, back to the shore, because I'm powerless without God.
"Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD." ~ Psalm 27:14
So must I wait, so shall I wait.
My thoughts take no apparent flow,
I've lost my way, I do not know
In which direction should I go.
My heart is here, my heart is there,
My soul floats aimlessly somewhere,
If God is here, then tell me where,
I cannot find Him anywhere.
Am I the one who's back is turned, who's eyes and ears are closed? Am I the one running away? Am I the one who's put so many distractions and barriers in between, and put so many things ahead of God? In all the years of Sunday School and sermons and whatnot, the probable answer is yes, because God's never the one who does the ditching. However, that's just knowledge, and knowledge of a spiritual matter is only the tip of the iceberg.
At some times, the feeling of connection to God is fairly strong. At others, it's so weak I might as well be a non-Christian. Sometimes, the lack of Spirit that I display alarms me. Am I actually saved? Follow that with a burst, and injection of God, and then it's back to apathy. An unending, and fairly vicious, cycle.
Worship, fellowship, and service are almost routine-like now. Do I even go with the right motives in mind? Do I even HAVE motives? I probably spend less and less quality time with God, trying to get more time for myself, but the irony of it is that I'd probably have more time for myself if I spend more time with Him.
These are pretty jumbled thoughts and it's taken me a while to sift through them all. Among the thoughts that plague me, the biggest is probably "where do I go from here?" So God is a sovereign God. He has His plans. Where am I in them? I'd like to know!
Chances are, I probably won't get to know, so where do I find my faith? How do I REALLY learn to love God again, with that childlike innocence, with that initial passion? God, I want that searching heart back. I don't actually have it. Those spiritual moments of late, they have been so fleeting, so temporary. It's just enough to keep me from giving up. But I don't want to just hang on by a thread. I want to stand on the Rock.
For now, I remain adrift, waiting for the wind to come, and blow me in the right direction, back to the shore, because I'm powerless without God.
"Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD." ~ Psalm 27:14
So must I wait, so shall I wait.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
A grateful heart
Thanksgiving just passed and I thought it would be nice to have a post for giving thanks...even though it's a bit belated.
I must start with giving thanks to God for just being here, and for everything that now surrounds me (and, I must be honest, this includes the food). Upon further reflection, this includes the dirt and grime of life too, because even though I really, REALLY don't understand anything about this right now, I'm sure it has a purpose, and I'll be thankful later, so I might as well deal with it by being thankful NOW.
A shout out to mom and dad...I'm thankful for you two...sometimes the presentation might not be the most obvious, and at times it might even seem like the exact opposite is true, but deep down, always, I love you. This extends to the rest of my family too, without the love-hate complications.
And of course I have to include my best of friends (goes without saying; you know who you are) on this list...honestly I don't know how I might have handled many separate incidents without you guys over the past few years. Standing beside me through all the times that I have been such a drag...you have no idea how much that means, but it's enough to bring tears to my eyes.
In conclusion, God, you're the best, and people who choose not to know you don't know what they're missing out on.
I must start with giving thanks to God for just being here, and for everything that now surrounds me (and, I must be honest, this includes the food). Upon further reflection, this includes the dirt and grime of life too, because even though I really, REALLY don't understand anything about this right now, I'm sure it has a purpose, and I'll be thankful later, so I might as well deal with it by being thankful NOW.
A shout out to mom and dad...I'm thankful for you two...sometimes the presentation might not be the most obvious, and at times it might even seem like the exact opposite is true, but deep down, always, I love you. This extends to the rest of my family too, without the love-hate complications.
And of course I have to include my best of friends (goes without saying; you know who you are) on this list...honestly I don't know how I might have handled many separate incidents without you guys over the past few years. Standing beside me through all the times that I have been such a drag...you have no idea how much that means, but it's enough to bring tears to my eyes.
In conclusion, God, you're the best, and people who choose not to know you don't know what they're missing out on.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Only in Canada
Hurricanes, as you should know, are powerful storms. They receive names. What you might not know is that when a hurricane is particularly destructive, the government of the affected nation will request for it to be retired, and that name will never again be used for a hurricane.
In 2003, Hurricane Juan struck Halifax square on as a Category 2 storm, bringing wind gusts to over 200 km/h, losses over $200 million, and 8 deaths. As it was the most destructive hurricane to affect Canada (and still is), Environment Canada, for the first time ever, requested that the name be retired.
Environment Canada's made the request for three reasons: "the lost and damaged lives, the impact to economy, and the widespread destruction of trees through out two provinces."
Really? Trees being uprooted was a factor in the decision? Pretty much our whole country is trees!
Only in Canada.
In 2003, Hurricane Juan struck Halifax square on as a Category 2 storm, bringing wind gusts to over 200 km/h, losses over $200 million, and 8 deaths. As it was the most destructive hurricane to affect Canada (and still is), Environment Canada, for the first time ever, requested that the name be retired.
Environment Canada's made the request for three reasons: "the lost and damaged lives, the impact to economy, and the widespread destruction of trees through out two provinces."
Really? Trees being uprooted was a factor in the decision? Pretty much our whole country is trees!
Only in Canada.
Friday, October 1, 2010
A mind diseased
Lately I've been giving some thought as to my trains of thought. I wanted to see if I could notice any distinct patterns. I couldn't. My mind can go anywhere, apparently. I can be doing math, and happen to see an infinity, and that will set off a chain of randomness.
Infinity > Infiniti > car > hybrid > electricity > the light in the next room that I should probably turn off > lights! > Light of the World > music > singing > et cetera et cetera...
By this time, I have taken so many tangents that I am a figurative light year away from math.
Oh, tangents. Tangent lines...math. There. I'm back.
Seriously, if I could summarize my thinking with one adjective, it would probably be this:
SCATTERBRAIN
Hmm...brains...psychology...oh shoot I have a quiz on Tuesday...
Infinity > Infiniti > car > hybrid > electricity > the light in the next room that I should probably turn off > lights! > Light of the World > music > singing > et cetera et cetera...
By this time, I have taken so many tangents that I am a figurative light year away from math.
Oh, tangents. Tangent lines...math. There. I'm back.
Seriously, if I could summarize my thinking with one adjective, it would probably be this:
SCATTERBRAIN
Hmm...brains...psychology...oh shoot I have a quiz on Tuesday...
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